“Being Dominant” – I’m not just here to wear a corset and serve a masochist/fetishist with their want for beatings/pain/humiliation/foot fetish/etcetcetc.

I think that “submissive men” are fed a porn-diet of the above. It really unsettles me, and I think devalues both roles. I also think that, whilst playing the “Porn Domme” can be great fun, the fact that this image of Domination is what is expected of a Domme, rather than the more harsh reality that we are people as well, and can be rather soppy, have monthly periods where all bets are off, are emotive and emotional, and just need cuddling and yes, even tender/caring/”Male superior position” sex from time to time devalues both the Submissive and the Dominant “mind-set”.

After all, being “Porn Domme” takes time and effort, and is ultimately serving the “submissive man’s needs” with minimal returns for Myself.

To my mind, this is the wrong way around. Unless you are being unconsensually bullying with someone, in “Pure SM”, the masochist is ultimately in control.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion, having been that “Service Top/Porn Domme” and discovered that whilst you get fleeting highs of making someone squirm and scream, there is no build up of anything deeper beyond that, that “Pure SM” is a rather self-limiting place…

I started investigating D/s about 2 years ago, and that has made my life far more rich. In the D/s dynamic, I’m here to be served and worshiped, and have My life made easier by willing and eager submissives. They run around after Me, and give me their time and energy and are rewarded with my smiles and hugs. I build ongoing relationships, which feed both of our needs, and create beautiful and fulfilling results.

So, the paramount quality I look for in a Submissive is the will to put My wishes and needs about theirs. If they have that, all else will follow usually.

Above all though, I’m kind, caring and very much a realist, and I do like making My Submissives happy in their role, so if they work hard to please Me, I usually will indulge with some Play, as after all, I do love making people squirm, scream and sigh with endorphin-bliss. However, this is not to be expected, it is as My whim, not theirs. SM becomes a facet of D/s, not the overriding reason for the interaction.

I now tend to “Do SM” in clubs, The dress-up, strut your stuff, show off elements are all wonderfully lovely, but don’t work day-to-day when you come home from work and just want a foot-rub and your dinner cooked!