Tag Archives: D/s

“Sissy Maids” – Have I a dichotomy?

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It has been noted that of the six people I have dibs on in one way or another, four enjoy and frequently are Cross-dressed / Transvested.

It has been pointed out to me that as I state very unequivacably “NO Sissy Maids” on my profile, that surely this is a little bit of a dichotomy, and why on earth would I say that, when I have four actively TV/CD boys.

So, just to make things clearer, this has been My personal definition of “Sissy Maid”: Someone whom I would have to “force” to dress as a Female Maidservant (Normally French and Frilly, with the highest of high heels, seamed stockings, make-up, wig and an elaborate dressing ritual to get them that way), and then expects “harsh punishisment” of their usually exceedingly bad cleaning skills…

(So typical a case in point can be seen just here in fact.)

I’ve met and played a couple of SissyMaids in my time, and, just like the “Do-me!” masochist, they are a huge drain on my (or any other Mistress’) time, energy and resources.

My boys dress up because they love to do so, they enjoy it, the role it gives them, and I don’t have to “force” them into anything… TV or CD is a natural and wholesome thing for them, intergral to their personality and psyche, and not something “dirty” or “guilt ridden” that I have to “force” them into doing.

And I like it like that. Very simple really.

SM vs D/s

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“Being Dominant” – I’m not just here to wear a corset and serve a masochist/fetishist with their want for beatings/pain/humiliation/foot fetish/etcetcetc.

I think that “submissive men” are fed a porn-diet of the above. It really unsettles me, and I think devalues both roles. I also think that, whilst playing the “Porn Domme” can be great fun, the fact that this image of Domination is what is expected of a Domme, rather than the more harsh reality that we are people as well, and can be rather soppy, have monthly periods where all bets are off, are emotive and emotional, and just need cuddling and yes, even tender/caring/”Male superior position” sex from time to time devalues both the Submissive and the Dominant “mind-set”.

After all, being “Porn Domme” takes time and effort, and is ultimately serving the “submissive man’s needs” with minimal returns for Myself.

To my mind, this is the wrong way around. Unless you are being unconsensually bullying with someone, in “Pure SM”, the masochist is ultimately in control.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion, having been that “Service Top/Porn Domme” and discovered that whilst you get fleeting highs of making someone squirm and scream, there is no build up of anything deeper beyond that, that “Pure SM” is a rather self-limiting place…

I started investigating D/s about 2 years ago, and that has made my life far more rich. In the D/s dynamic, I’m here to be served and worshiped, and have My life made easier by willing and eager submissives. They run around after Me, and give me their time and energy and are rewarded with my smiles and hugs. I build ongoing relationships, which feed both of our needs, and create beautiful and fulfilling results.

So, the paramount quality I look for in a Submissive is the will to put My wishes and needs about theirs. If they have that, all else will follow usually.

Above all though, I’m kind, caring and very much a realist, and I do like making My Submissives happy in their role, so if they work hard to please Me, I usually will indulge with some Play, as after all, I do love making people squirm, scream and sigh with endorphin-bliss. However, this is not to be expected, it is as My whim, not theirs. SM becomes a facet of D/s, not the overriding reason for the interaction.

I now tend to “Do SM” in clubs, The dress-up, strut your stuff, show off elements are all wonderfully lovely, but don’t work day-to-day when you come home from work and just want a foot-rub and your dinner cooked!

What I think

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I think that life gives you opportunities, windows into other people’s minds. I enjoy Window Shopping a great deal.

I love my vanilla life stuff equally to my kink life stuff, as too much of anything becomes dull after a while.

I think that above all, Submissives should be proactive, and think about The Dominant’s needs over their own. They should not need to be told what to do all the time. I’m not one for controlling or humiliating reactive Slaves.

I hate being told “I enjoy whatever you want to do Mistress”, because, that is quite frankly not helpful in getting us both where we need to be.

I enjoy a great deal of things, BDSM wise, I recognise that all people have things they are better and worse at, and so, I like to use the correct “toy” for the job at hand.

If a Submissive has not thought about how they best offer their service, I’m usually not happy with that Submissive’s services. The service offered by such Submissives is usually muddled, and very unclear in purpose. How can I hope to understand you, if there has been no effort made into understanding yourself before you make your offer?

Going on from that, I therefore actively encourage suggestions as to how I might get the best from you, which some may see as “Topping from the Bottom”. Honestly? I don’t have the want to unproductively play hit and miss with your psyche. This just wastes both of our time.

Road signs for anyone’s headspace are always useful, and as I am sure you are aware, if you have submitted your power to Me, whether I choose to use the directions you provide or not is My choice, not yours. There will be times when I actively choose another path, I enjoy keeping people on their toes (Sometimes literally!)

I most enjoy being adored (Who doesn’t?!). Adoration takes many forms: A good foot massage, the offer of a neck rub, a small gift, extravagant and flamboyant gestures, being thoughtfully enough to open a door for me if I have my hands full, or even a just cuddle and a kind word when I’m blue. All these things are good things.

I thrive on feedback. If you are not giving me that, smiles and attentiveness when serving or moans, squirms, wriggles, screams and even tears when I’m tormenting, I’m just not enjoying you.

I adore tormenting someone so much that they scream for Me. Unashamed screaming is a good sound. It makes Me giggle…

It is well known that I switch, I make no secret of the fact. Endorphins are wonderful, and I think that the subbies keeping them all to themselves is far too selfish!

“ickle nikki” can be rather masochistic, and apparently very bratty at times.

I feel that my switchiness give me balance, and enables me to understand subspace far better. I’m a craftsman for creating subspace in the Submissives I play with.

I give my Submission in the same way that I approach my Dominance, so I give as good as I get in the feedback department.

I’m very picky about sexual partners. After all, sex is fantastic, and should happen as often as possible but I feel it is better with emotional connection. After all, sex with someone you “know” is normally far far better than just rutting.

Humans are pack animals, we have “Social circles”, so I feel that this “reliance on the group” should both logically and naturally extend to the sexual realm as well as the social.

So, I’m a Polyamorus Pansexual Switch – why settle for anything less?

I do so love the thrill of the chase, and being able to act upon the possibility of following “that certain spark” if it presents itself to me is very appealing.

So, Although at this time I’m not immediately open for a Primary relationship, I’m very open to forming lasting Secondary partnerships as well as “friends with benefits” scenarios.

I’ve lived repressing the poly part of me and it hurt lots…

I demand 100% Honesty. “Being faithful” comes from the head and the heart. It isn’t about what you do with your Genitalia.

I don’t believe that anyone has the capacity to be another person’s “100%”. If you are hitting 80% compatibility and up, you are doing well in my opinion.

I’m grown up enough to admit that I’m a cynic, but fluffy enough to have it not matter.

I just don’t “do” sissy play. I have no issue with Transvestism, but it just doesn’t float my boat. I’m not a girlie-girl myself, I don’t enjoy messing about with Make-up & Clothes (although, I do love looking fantastic!), and it takes me max 20 minutes to get ready to go out anywhere…

I like my men being men, my girls being girls, and my wonderful freaks being freakish. 🙂